Why You’re Not Getting Laid Tonight

in Dating & Sex Humor by Franky — January 20, 2010 |

There’s about 15 or so common reasons as to why you will not get laid on any given night. If you recently failed to hook up with a girl and are now left wondering why, here are the most common reasons as to why you didn’t get laid.

You Have No Game (19%)

Lets just face it, a lot of dudes don’t have game and they know it. Other dudes think they have game, but they just don’t. Either way, if you don’t have any game, you’re probably not going to sleep with anyone who is even remotely good looking.

She Has a Boyfriend [and won’t cheat on him] (17%)

While alcohol helps this situation drastically, there are still a lot of women who just won’t cheat on their boyfriends.

You’re Ugly (14%)

You may or may not realize this, but if you’re not getting laid, you might just be flat out ugly.

You Pissed Her Off or Lied to Her (11%)

If you pissed her off or lied to her at some point during the night and she found out about it, chances are you’re not going to get laid. On a positive note, start thinking about your apology so that you can take full advantage of the make-up sex.

She’s On Her Period (7%)

Now this can be broken down into two groups. Girls who are actually on their periods and girls who just say they are on their periods. If the girl has lied to you about being on her period, it is most likely due to one of the other reasons we have mentioned on this list.

You Can’t Close (5%)

Some guys can talk a good game all night long, but when that clock hits 2AM, they just can’t seem to convert on the opportunity.

You Got Cocked Blocked by Her Friend (5%)

Lets face it, there a number of reasons as to why a hot girl’s friend will cock block you from hooking up with her. She may have seen you hitting on other women at the bar an hour earlier or she may just be jealous she isn’t the one going home with you.

You’re Too Drunk (4%)

Believe it or not, if you’re too drunk you’re just not going to be able to take care of business. Whether you just puked on her leg or blacked out before you made it to the bedroom, being too drunk can definitely kill your chances.

You Have Bad Hygiene (3%)

Girls like guys who brush their teeth and wipe their ass. If you can’t figure this one out, it’s probably best you just stick with porn the rest of your life.

You’re Too Nice (3%)

The saying “nice guys finish last” may sound like a cliché, but the fact of the matter is it’s true. If you’re too nice, you’re not going to get laid.

You Lack Confidence (3%)

Girls can always tell if a guy is lacking confidence. While this may not prevent you from getting laid 100% of the time, it sure as hell is going to put a damper on most of your attempts.

You’re Awkward or Creepy (3%)

If you happen to be one of the few awkward or creepy dudes that ends up out at the bars cruising for tail, you should probably just turn around and go back home. Awkward and/or creepy dudes just don’t get laid at the bars; maybe try your local Dungeons and Dragons meetup instead.

You Smell Bad (2%)

Ok, I’m not really too sure how this happens for guys that are over 13 years old, but there still seems to be plenty of guys out there that just flat out smell terrible. If you smell bad, you’re sleeping alone.

You Have No Money (1%)

While this plays less of a role for those in the early twenties, there does come a time in every man’s life where having no money (and assumedly no job) will definitely prevent you from getting laid.

You Just Used a Cheesy Pickup Line (1%)

Everyone knows the 90s are over, there are still quite a few men out there turning to cheesy pick up lines to help them get laid. If using a cheesy pick up line is your big plan for getting laid, you’re pretty much hopeless.

You’ve Already Had Sex With Her Friend (1%)

While having already had sex with her friend can go either way, there is definitely a solid chance this will prevent you from getting laid tonight. If her friend is much hotter than the girl you are attempting to hook up with, then that’s really not a terrible situation. If the girl you are trying to hook up with is much hotter than her friend that you already banged, than that just plain out sucks for you. You should have held out for the dime piece.

You Don’t Have a Rubber (1%)

If it really comes down to you not getting laid because you forgot to bring a rubber, than you pretty much don’t deserve to get laid anyway. Always carry a rubber when you’re cruising for tail!

If you have any other reasons why you didn’t get laid, be sure to leave a comment below and let us know why.

Tags: cant get laid didnt get laid not getting laid

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Author: Franky

Franky is 23 years old and lives in San Diego, CA. When he isn't writing for Muff Slap he is perfecting his nunchuck skills, bow hunting skills, and computer hacking skills. Girls only want boyfriends who have great skills.