A Shitty Subject (Poop Humor)

in Humor by Jillian — October 28, 2009 |

Shit happens. Pooping is not a classy subject and most find is grotesque, but since everyone poops we should take the time to understand what our poop means. The poop in your toilet can tell a lot about a person’s body and health. It is also funny shit (another pun intended). So here’s all you’ve ever wanted to know about your shit and more.

Main types of poop

Floating poop (aka floater):
Your turd is floating because it has increased levels of air and gas, which makes the turd less dense causing it to float.

Sinking poop (aka sinker):
When you have a healthy amount of fiber, which causes your poop to become more dense and sink to the bottom of the toilet bowl. A turd that sinks is a healthy turd.

Green poop (aka Celtic pride):
Green turds are a sign that your digestive system moves faster than most. Green is one of the first colors in the rainbow of digestion process so your shit flew through the other colors in the process.

Brown poop:
The most common and best kind of turds to have. High five! A brown turd comes from bile, which is produced in the liver and very important to the digestion process.

Grey poop:
If your shit is light in color or gray, it can mean trouble. Light colored poop can be a sign of liver disease, but note this is very rare and you would need to see grey poop for several days before you should get concerned. It’s a theory that people get grey colored poop after a long night of drinking because their liver is working overtime.

Black poop:
A dark almost black turd every once in awhile is okay, but if your shit is a dark black more often than not you need to contact a healthcare professional. Black turds can mean you are bleeding internally and could be a sign of an ulcer.

Diarrhea (aka the shits, the trots, waterhosing, the runs, butt juice, bum gravy, Hershey squirts, the squirts, blow mud, poop smoothie, oil spill, brown pee, drizzling shit, mudslide, rusty water, soft serve, shit volcano, toilet bowl stew, butt drool or muddy waterfalls):
When you have diarrhea it means that the body is releasing water into the bowel when it’s not supposed to. Other causes of diarrhea include virus’s, infection by bacteria, infections by other organisms, food allergies, medications, eating foods your digestive system doesn’t like, caffeine, alcohol and competitive running.

Constipation (aka log jam, clogged up, corked, the strains, bound up or ghost poopie):
The inability to release your shit can be caused by a number of things such as lessened physical activity, change in diet, stress, lack of fiber, dehydration, slowing of your metabolic process, anxiety and certain medications.

Pellet poop (aka rabbit turds or gattling gun):
A sign of constipation.

Smelly poop:
Believe it or not, it’s normal and good for your shit to stink. Your intestines are swarming with trillions of bacteria and that bacteria enhances the digestive and metabolic processes. The bacteria is on the move and the reason for smelly poop.

Slang types of poop

No wiper (aka clean poopie):
When you wipe you wonder where it went. This generally happens when your anus opens extra wide to release your turd. By the time you wipe, your anus has tightened or closed back up making the area where the shit exits go back inside.

Endless wiper (aka the sticky, toilet clogger, whole roll dump or mud butt):
When one uses their sphincter muscles while pooping to tighten the anus. This causes an abnormal amount of feces to stick to the anus hole. More than one flush is usually required to prevent clogging the toilet. Sometimes the endless wiper causes skid marks to form on the toilet bowl.

Sharting (aka anal leakage, liquid fart or tainting the cloth):
When a person believes he or she is just releasing a fart, but poop unexpectedly comes out of the anus.

Turtlehead (horse peeking out of the barn, prairie doggin, the peeker or hide ‘n seek):
When a turd peeks out, but is pulled back with the sphincter muscles because the person is not yet ready or in the proper place to release their shit.

Splasher (aka torpedo or ka-plomps):
A turd or series of turds that hit the toilet bowl water at just the right speed with the right density to cause a splash of water to rise up hitting your butt cheeks, crack or anus.

Wraparound (aka cable dump or bowl winder):
When a turd is so long that it has to wrap itself around the toilet bowl in order to fit.

Sound effect dump (aka machine gun):
When a person or persons are not far away so creative noises are made by the dumper to cover the sounds that your dump is creating.

Painful shits (aka caesarian dump, battleshits or childbirth dump):
When the abdomen is full of gas or a mass quantity of shit expels from the body at once causing pain to the anus.

Hot shits (aka butt burrito, steamer, burner, chili dump, rectal hot chocolate or Mexican heart burn):
When a shit stinks really bad or a mass quantity of poop exits quickly causing the anus to feel like it is on fire.

Beer shits:
Smelly, sinister and hot shit that comes the morning after a night of heavy drinking.

Graffiti dump (aka skid marks):
When the dropping of turds or spinning of turds from the flush creates marks on the toilet bowl.

Cling-on (aka dangling poop):
When a dump has been completed, but there is a piece of turd stuck to the anus and no amount of wiggling can get it to drop.

Aborted dump:
When something happens while taking a shit and it prevents the shitter from finishing the task at hand.

Encore shit (aka second wave shit or déjà poo):
When one believes she or he is finished shitting so they wipe and stand up only to realize there is more to come.

Stolen poop:
This happens when sitting on an automatic toilet. You haven’t finished yet, but for some reason the toilet flushes and steals away your turd.

Dingleberry:
When a small ball of poop gets stuck to the ass hair.

Sayings used to express one is shitting or about to take a shit

• “Release a hostage”
• “Beard the bowl”
• “Call of nature”
• “Pop a squat”
• “BBQ nuggets”
• “Dropping the Cosby kids off at the pool”
• “Making bears”
• “Crunching a grumpy”
• “Lay some cable”
• “Birth chocolate brownies”
• “Dropping a deuce”
• “Make a number 2”
• “Carving a statue”
• “Pinching a loaf”
• “Dropping bombs”
• “Making beef stool”
• “Release the hounds”
• “Clean out the colon”
• “Drop my food babies”
• “Morn corn”
• “Empty da bowels”
• “Making fudge”
• “Blast a dookie”
• “Intestinal clearance”
• “Make ass monkeys”
• “Unleash the brown demons”
• “Cast pellets”
• “Crackin’ a rat”
• “Blow an O ring”
• “Battle the beast”
• “Piss out of the asshole”
• “Squat on the pot”
• “Relieve oneself”
• “Flush some pounds”
• “Push out the cheek cheese”
• “Bake brownies”
• “Chuck the football”
• “Crankin’ a Hankey”
• “Cigar between the cheeks”
• “Low altitude bombing”
• “Go squidle”
• “Clip a biscuit”
• “Heading to the dumpatorium”
• “Grease the bowl”
• “Crank out a tube-steak”
• “Disembowel”
• “Make doo doo”
• “Sit on the throne”
• “Drop a bomb”
• “Drop a brick”
• “Drop a load”
• “Drop a wad”
• “Offer a sacrifice to the Porcelain Gods”
• “Send the Browns to the Super Bowl”
• “Go into dump mode”
• “Let the shit dogs loose”
• “Grate cheese”
• “Grow a tail”
• “Train coming out of the tunnel”
• “Roll a log”
• “Make a deposit at the Porcelain Bank”
• “Cook some hot fudge”
• “Blow the colon”
• “Burn a mule”
• “Clear the chute”

Flushing

The No Flusher (aka prairie doggin, turd, Houdini or shameful shit):
When one releases a turn that hides in the hole like a turtle hides in its shell.

The Courtesy Flush:
When a person who is taking a smelly shit in a public bathroom flushes before they are finished shitting to “rid of the smell.”

The Triple Flush:
A person has to flush three times in order for all the shit to exit the bowl.

Revolve the Beavers:
Watching turds as they move around the toilet bowl during a flush.

Things to do while pooping

• Text people
• Call people
• Read a magazine
• Read a book
• Read the newspaper
• Check your email
• Update your Facebook status
• Play games on your i-Phone, Blackberry, phone or i-Pod
• Watch videos on YouTube
• Masturbate
• Talk to your dog or cat
• Update your Fantasy draft
• Read articles on Muff Slap
• Sing
• Tweeze your nose hairs
• Pick your nose
• Floss
• Read the back of a shampoo bottle
• Make toilet paper origami
• Smoke
• Organize your drawers
• Listen to other people poop and laugh quietly
• Laugh at the sounds your own ass is making
• Pay your bills
• Doodle
• Blog

Related posts:

1. Ask A Hot Chick: The Old Dirt Trail
2. Ask A Hot Chick: The Smelly Vagina
3. The Drunk Girl Who Pooped Her Pants
4. Man vs. Woman: The Toilet Seat
5. Ask a Hot Chick: The Sphincter

Tags: different types of poop poop humor poop words types of poo types of poop words for poop