Man vs. Woman: Farting
In today’s society, people are used to instant answers and gratification within a few clicks of the mouse or quick search on your iPhone. There are thousands of publications, websites, articles, and blogs giving you advice about the opposite sex or ways to improve yourself. However, rarely do these sources give you insight about what both sexes are thinking. Our very own Man vs. Woman series will dissect topics about relationships, dating, breaking up, sex, marriage, and everyday life to give you some insight as to what exactly your partner is probably thinking.
You’ve never farted in front of your significant other, but one is coming on that you just can’t control.
She Said:
Let her rip! Make it a good memorable one because it will set the standard for all future flatulations. If you make the first one a great one, all those that follow will seem like nothing. My friend spent a lot of time planning her first gastric moment in front of her now husband. They had dated nearly a year and one day he walked by, lifted his leg, farted and said beat that baby! It was the perfect set-up and he never anticipated she would stand up and fart so loud that it would trump every fart he ever released in her presence. He says that every fart that she has released since then has sounded like music in the wind.
He Said:
Once you hear your man fart ladies, this is a good indication that either we are comfortable with you or we accidentally let one rip. After all, we are men and that is what we do. This will be easily detected by the color of our complexion or the instant excuse or cover up in our attempt of masking the smell of the fart. On a side note ladies, if you are with your man and it suddenly smells like fart, there is a 100 percent chance we farted. Regardless of if we tell you that we don’t smell anything or blame it on something else, we tried to sneak one out and just couldn’t mask the smell.
As for you ladies, we never want to hear you fart… ever. I repeat ever. We know you do it, but we never want to hear you fart or even smell one for that matter. Regardless of if you think it is funny, or to get back at us for letting one rip, or you don’t feel good; we still don’t want to hear it. Whether you have been dating for 20 years or 2 weeks you should never fart in front of your man. Furthermore, if you do happen to do it, do not make comments about the gas you just let go. That does not help matters. There is a reason you are the more beautiful species and when we hear you fart, it just drops your stock.
Related posts:
- Man vs. Woman: Paying for Dinner
- Man vs. Woman: Asking a Guy Out
- Man vs. Woman: The Toilet Seat
- The Joy of Farting: Where to Fart Without Getting Caught
- Man vs. Woman: The Phone Call
More posts by Man vs Woman »
Author:
Jillian and Ryan were high school sweet hearts who were destined to live a fairy tale life. However, as they grew up their destiny seemed to change. Both realized they had a lot to learn about the opposite sex before any lifetime commitments could be made. Even though they remain friends today, any opportunity to insult the other person and and their sex is a temptation too great to resist.
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5 Comments
2009-10-12
23:53:56
So true! Its a horrible double standard that guys can fart by girls but cant deal with it when they do it!
2009-10-14
14:16:15
My wife and I fart in each others presence all time, same for burping, sometimes we laugh about it, other times we may giggle and run in opposite directions. If you can't handle that, I think there might be something else wrong in the relationship, it's a natural occurrence, unavoidable sometimes. She farts in bed a lot, I mask it with my favorite odor killer's scent and don't make a big deal about it, although sometimes, I am laughing so hard, I make the bed quake.
2009-11-05
04:51:53
*sigh* some men just cant accept the fact the women are human to, we do all the same dirty stuff you do, fart, burp and the rest of it and honestly if you cant accept that its a natural function then your either thinking to highly of us or your a stupid jerk.
Oh last thing, if you happen to dump a girl cuz shes a human or you no longer respect her just because she did something you happen to do in your free time then get fucked.
2009-11-18
10:36:08
OMG no! A lady should never fart in the prescence of a man!
2010-07-14
15:24:44
Women who get pissed off because guys don't want to hear them fart or shit just really make me angry. Really, what's the rationale? Because it's natural? Then why don't people fart during exams or job interviews or wedding ceremonies? It's because as humans we've developed taste and propriety. But invariably you get women who think absolutely nothing of farting, putting on 50 pounds, never cooking a meal or washing a dish, and the reason's always because they want to.