10 Signs Your Mall Santa is a Drunk

in Booze Humor Lists by Franky — December 22, 2009 | View Comments

drunk santa

It’s pretty safe to say that 99 out of every 100 mall Santa’s are actually drunks. We’ve all seen Bad Santa, we all know the drill, and yet we still trust our kids with this fun loving (and possibly a pedophile) dressed up drunkard. In case you are having trouble recognizing that your mall Santa is currently drunk, Muff Slap has decided to list the top 10 signs your local mall Santa is a drunkard.

Santa reaks of booze
The hard thing in Santa’s pants is shaped like a flask
The young kid sitting on Santa’s lap just peed his pants… wait, it was Santa
Santa appears to be drooling on your kid
Santa just asked your 8 year old kid to grab a beer at the local dive bar
Santa’s beard appears to have a whiskey stain
Santa just puked on your kid
Santa’s bottle of water smells funny
Santa just passed out
Santa is currently fist fighting an elf

Now, take your kids and hand them over to this seasonally drunk stranger!

Drunk Santa Pictures

drunk santa picture

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Author: Franky

Franky is 24 years old and lives in San Diego, CA. When he isn't writing for Muff Slap he is perfecting his nunchuck skills, bow hunting skills, and computer hacking skills. Girls only want boyfriends who have great skills.