Fat People That Look Like Animals

in Humor by James Faust — March 3, 2010 | View Comments

The following article was written by our good friend James Faust from TheLamest.com. From The Lamest HQ (his attic) James Faust delivers tirades of shame to celebrities, politicians, and your momma in equal amounts. His creativity is fuelled by fishheads and cheap wine. James lives and dies by his fancy mission statement which is treating the lame with disdain. Be sure to check out more of his work at www.thelamest.com.

Hippo Momma

Tight and/or shiny clothing is not this woman’s friend. She’s a Hippo Momma but definitely not Hip. I’m just glad this photo was taken from behind because if she was seen from the front, you’d be more inclined to call her Moose (knuckle) Momma.

Whale Boy

Water is the one fat friendly element. Being a lardo actually benefits your buoyancy. However when you start looking like a Manatee, you have taken the whole floatability thing a bit too far. Looking at this photo, I’m actually quite concerned about the 17th Century sailors who thought that Whales were sexy mermaid sirens. Perhaps they all had a fetish for fat Asian kids?

Pig Man

I know I’m being a tad cruel here. That pig is not half as disgusting as sir Stretch-A-Lot. I couldn’t find a photo of a morbidly obese Blue Whale so Pig Man it is!

Seal Man

It’s lucky this fat prick isn’t lying on a Norwegian or Canadian beach because his skull would be getting closely acquainted to a club. I doubt he’d feel the cold if he was on an Arctic beach anyways.

Zebra Man

When you are morbidly obese, stripes which highlight your grotesque gut argumentation aren’t recommended. Forget the white stripes altogether Zebra Man, black is slimming so you should just stick with that. Although, even if this leviathan somehow cloaked himself in a black hole, he’d still look like a massive heavenly body.

If this fatso occurred naturally in the African Savannah, he’d be called a Ze-bra-and-girdle.

If you enjoyed this article, be sure to visit www.thelamest.com for more awesomeness like this.

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Tags: animals fat people