The Drunk Girl Who Pooped Her Pants

in Drunken Stories Humor by Guest Contributor — January 15, 2010 |

I come home late one night and my roommate has people over. I’m sober, but none of them are. I decide to sit down and have a few beers with them before heading to bed. When I walk in my room there are a few people passed out on the floor. I walk over them, climb into my bed and pass out right away. I’m dead asleep when I feel someone poking me. I open my eyes and it’s my friend D who is giggling like a school girl. D tells me he has to show me something. I push him away and roll over to go back to sleep. D keeps poking me telling me “come on man, you gotta see this!”

I ask him “what the hell is it?” but he just starts laughing again. I ask again, but he pulls me out of bed. We walk out of my room and into the kitchen. It smells like stale beer and dog shit. D tells me to stop and he turns the kitchen light on. I look down on the floor and there’s shit smeared all over the floor. I follow the smeared shit and it leads me to a pair of jeans that has one pant leg inside out and is full of shit. Next to the jeans is a blue pair of panties that again is full of shit.

D can’t stop laughing and soon I start laughing too. We both can’t stop and when we look over we see this broad passed out on the couch with no pants on and shit all over her ass. It was the chick our friend T brought over that night. She was like a six and a half at best. We laugh for a few more minutes and I say “I’m not cleaning that shit up.” D looks at me and says he isn’t cleaning it up either. I grab a bottle of water and head back to bed. I make a stop in the bathroom on the way back, but when I turn the light on I see shit smeared all over the toilet. I gag a little and go back to bed.

The next morning I wake up wondering how the shit situation played out. I walk into the kitchen and see no shit smears, no shit pants and no shit underwear. I wake up my roommate C and tell him the story, but he doesn’t believe me. I wake up D and bring him in to confirm the story. We all walk out into the kitchen and ask T where his six and a half at best girl was. He said she was in the shower. D and I look at each other and start to laugh. We tell T about our findings, but he didn’t believe us so we look around trying to find poopy pants to prove our story. There were no poopy pants to be found though. If only I had thought to take a picture!

Six and a half at best got out of the shower and D and I broke into laughter again. We played it off like we had just hit the punch line of a really long joke. She was in fresh clean clothes and acting as if she hadn’t shit her pants the night before. I so badly wanted to say something, but I didn’t know what the proper way to ask a chick if she shit her pants was?

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