Man vs. Woman: Engagement Ultimatum

in Dating & Sex Man vs. Woman by Man vs Woman — November 19, 2009 |

In today’s society, people are used to instant answers and gratification within a few clicks of the mouse or quick search on your iPhone. There are thousands of publications, websites, articles, and blogs giving you advice about the opposite sex or ways to improve yourself. However, rarely do these sources give you insight about what both sexes are thinking. Our very own Man vs. Woman series will dissect topics about relationships, dating, breaking up, sex, marriage, and everyday life to give you some insight as to what exactly your partner is probably thinking.

Your significant other has given the ultimatum; we get engaged or it’s over.

She Said:

An ultimatum is the worst possible way to start a marriage. Giving someone an ultimatum forces a person to make a decision that they are not yet ready to make. If someone is forced into making a decision about marriage before they are ready, they could be making that decision based on the wrong reasons. Threatening someone into marriage could end up adding to the ever-growing divorce rate.

The pressure to get married may be on, but that is no reason to burden your significant other to make a decision he or she may not be ready to make. Cracking under the pressure could also be impairing your judgment on the decision to marry. It’s hard watching your friends marry off, move to suburbia and start families. By nature, people want what other people have. Wanting what someone else has isn’t necessarily what you need. Family, friends and co-workers play a big role in the pressure to marry. We’ve all had grandma ask if we are going to settle down before she dies or our mothers remind us that she had two children by the time she was our age. Even our friends make us feel insecure about the standing of our own relationship because they are married and we aren’t yet. Relationships should never be compared because no two relationships are alike.

Don’t crack under the pressure. If you do end up making an ultimatum, it could bring you immediate satisfaction and happiness, but marriage should be long-term. In fact, it should be forever. Pressure based decisions should not be made on forever. The right time will come and you will be glad you didn’t force yourself or your significant other into something one or both of you might not be ready for yet.

He Said:

Let’s face the facts; this problem is much more of an issue for men. Most women have spent countless hours envisioning this perfect day from the way their man proposes, to their ideal wedding dress, to what flower arrangement they’d like at the wedding. Men are aware of this, and as the months and years in the relationship add up, so does the pressure to tie the knot.

Ladies, you need to think about the reasoning behind your ultimatum. Is it because you truly think this is the right time to take your relationship to the next level, or is it because your family or peers are pressuring you? The last thing you ever want to do is give a man an ultimatum because this makes us feel trapped and threatens our natural male instincts. If you truly believe it in your heart, do something special for your man and bring it up casually, but never threaten us. If you threaten him with an ultimatum, you’ll run the risk of a petty proposal, because he’s sick of hearing you nag about it. Your selfish ultimatum could potentially ruin something special that he had been planning for months, or maybe even saving up for the ring that he thinks you deserve.

So ladies, think about your reasoning for this ultimatum. If you do think it’s the right time do something special for your man, bring it up in a non-threatening manner. The last thing you want to do is give him an ultimatum and ruin the opportunity for your man to propose in the way he feels fits your relationship best.

Tags: does he want to marry me engagement ultimatum my boyfriend wont propose

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Jillian and Ryan were high school sweet hearts who were destined to live a fairy tale life. However, as they grew up their destiny seemed to change. Both realized they had a lot to learn about the opposite sex before any lifetime commitments could be made. Even though they remain friends today, any opportunity to insult the other person and and their sex is a temptation too great to resist.