The Joy of Farting: Where to Fart Without Getting Caught
The following post was written by our good friend John from Living With Balls. Living with Balls is a humor blog for men. The site discuses a wide array of men’s topics from a humorous perspective. For more info contact johns@livingwithballs.com or visit www.livingwithballs.com.
Men love to fart. For a man, farting is one of life’s simple pleasures. There are few things in life more enjoyable than ripping a loud, healthy, room-clearing fart.
But ALAS, the unwritten rules of society deem flatulence as a faux pas. All our lives, we are restricted from farting whenever we like. We are taught to hold our farts in all day until we enter the privacy of our own home. We hold it in at work and in front of girls in fear of being ridiculed and blamed for the foul odor that accompanies it.
However, there are a few places where men are free from the tyranny of society’s harsh farting rules. We still have a few safe havens left where we can fart without being judged. Here are those places…
IN A CROWDED BAR
There is no better place to fart than in a crowded bar. Crowded bars are loud, so no one will hear you fart and because there are so many people, it is almost impossible for people to pinpoint the source of the smell. I always enjoy ripping ass in a bar and then walking away and watching from a distance as people pass blame.
IN FRONT OF YOUR BUDDIES
When you are in the company of your fellow men, farting is considered a great achievement. A good fart will not only be accepted, but will be complimented by your peers. So feel free to eat plenty of beans when it’s guys night out.
WHEN PLAYING SPORTS
When it comes to an athletic activity, farting, belching, scratching, spitting or any other type of vulgar activity is encouraged and is actually considered part of the culture. A good fart among your teammates will earn their respect. In fact, farting itself can become a competition. So whether it’s on the gridiron, in the dugout or in the locker room, fart as loud as you can.
IN FRONT OF YOUR WIFE
Once you get married, you are free to fart in front of your wife. When you are courting a girl, you need to hold it in, but once you put that ring on her finger, all bets are off. She’s made a vow to love you for better or for worse. This includes dealing with your foul-smelling farts. No marriage has ever ended over excessive gas, so feel free to fart away.
SBD’s
SBD stands for Silent But Deadly—silent farts that still pack a punch. When you have an SBD in the chamber, you are free to let it loose almost anywhere. However, these can be risky because you don’t always know if it’s going to be an SBD until you release it. So proceed with caution. You also need to be in a room with at least two other people, that way you can pass the blame on one of the other people.
If you know of any others I may have missed, leave a comment about it.
And be sure to visit LivingWithBalls.com…
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7 Comments
2010-01-13
12:43:18
Girls love farting too. My sister-in-law was in the middle of a serious contraction in her Labor and Delivery room, and I ripped a loud fart. I was the only one who thought it was funny. It wasn't so much the fart that was funny, but the time and place where it made it's entrance. HAHAHA! I was not allowed back in the room after that either.
I mean, whatever. I had pants on, so it's not like fart particles were floating around in the air eventually finding their way to her vagina and unborn child.
My question is why is a man farting more acceptable than women farting? I'm a sexy bitch, but I can't rip one? if that's the case, then men I consider sexy can never fart.
2010-01-13
12:43:18
Girls love farting too. My sister-in-law was in the middle of a serious contraction in her Labor and Delivery room, and I ripped a loud fart. I was the only one who thought it was funny. It wasn't so much the fart that was funny, but the time and place where it made it's entrance. HAHAHA! I was not allowed back in the room after that either.
I mean, whatever. I had pants on, so it's not like fart particles were floating around in the air eventually finding their way to her vagina and unborn child.
My question is why is a man farting more acceptable than women farting? I'm a sexy bitch, but I can't rip one? if that's the case, then men I consider sexy can never fart.
2010-01-13
12:43:18
Girls love farting too. My sister-in-law was in the middle of a serious contraction in her Labor and Delivery room, and I ripped a loud fart. I was the only one who thought it was funny. It wasn't so much the fart that was funny, but the time and place where it made it's entrance. HAHAHA! I was not allowed back in the room after that either.
I mean, whatever. I had pants on, so it's not like fart particles were floating around in the air eventually finding their way to her vagina and unborn child.
My question is why is a man farting more acceptable than women farting? I'm a sexy bitch, but I can't rip one? if that's the case, then men I consider sexy can never fart.
2010-01-13
20:43:18
Girls love farting too. My sister-in-law was in the middle of a serious contraction in her Labor and Delivery room, and I ripped a loud fart. I was the only one who thought it was funny. It wasn't so much the fart that was funny, but the time and place where it made it's entrance. HAHAHA! I was not allowed back in the room after that either.
I mean, whatever. I had pants on, so it's not like fart particles were floating around in the air eventually finding their way to her vagina and unborn child.
My question is why is a man farting more acceptable than women farting? I'm a sexy bitch, but I can't rip one? if that's the case, then men I consider sexy can never fart.
2010-07-10
14:55:45
I am a woman and there is nothing like blowing off a good poot. I was at the grocery store, I had to poot. I looked around and when I seen the coast was clear I blew off three good poots in a row. It felt so good. I poot at work all the time. Right in my cubicle. There is more room out than in.
2010-08-05
02:50:01
fart your ass off doesnt matter where you do it just do it good ok shit fart pee say bad words so what
2010-08-05
02:54:09
no there is nothing like farting its fun