25 Funny Quotes About Men

in Quotes by Jillian — October 16, 2009 | View Comments

Here we have 25 funny quotes about men from a number of prominent individuals including Jerry Seinfeld, Charles Dickens, Robin Williams and Marilyn Monroe. Enjoy!

“See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.”
~ Robin Williams

“There’s very little advice in men’s magazines, because men think, I know what I’m doing. Just show me somebody naked.”
~ Jerry Seinfeld

“Behind every great man there is a woman rolling her eyes.”
~ Bruce Almighty

“Anybody who believes that the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach failed geography.”
~ Robert Byrne

“A bachelor is one who enjoys the chase but does not eat the game.”
~ Anonymous

“Do you know the best way for a guy to impress a girl at the gym? The best way is to do pull-ups . . . pull up in a corvette, pull up in a Rolls Royce, pull up in a Cadillac.”
~ Late Night with Conan O’Brien

“Men are simple things. They can survive a whole weekend with only three things: beer, boxer shorts and batteries for the remote control.”
~ Diana Jordan

“The only time a man will truly listen is when he has wood.”
~ Mancow’s Morning Madhouse

“One of the things I like best about men is they’re a little vulnerable.”
~ Marilyn Monroe

“A man is only as old as the woman he feels.”
~ Groucho Marx

“If men knew all that women think, they would be twenty times more daring.”
~ Alphonse Karr

“There must be some reason why a man must be convinced, while a woman must be persuaded.”
~ Robert B. Fleming

“Men are run by their erections.”
~ Dr. Ian Kerner

“Guys are like port-o-potties. All the good ones are taken and the bad ones are full of crap.”
~ Anonymous

“When a woman sees that you’re good at something, it becomes your job forever.”
~ According to Jim

“Men forget everything; women remember everything. That’s why men need instant replays in sports. They’ve already forgotten what happened.”
~ Rita Rudner

“Men are like fish. Neither would get in trouble if they kept their mouths shut.”
~ Anonymous

“Give a man a fish and he has food for a day; teach him how to fish and you can get rid of him for the entire weekend.”
~ Zenna Schaffer

“Men are like a deck of cards. You’ll find the occasional king, but most are jacks.”
~ Laura Swenson

“Once a gentleman, and always a gentleman.”
~ Charles Dickens

“Men think monogamy is something you make dining tables out of.”
~ Kathy Lette

“All men hear is blah, blah, blah, SEX, blah, blah, blah, FOOD, blah, blah, blah, BEER.”
~ Dennis Leary

“Men are what their mothers made them.”
~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

“What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere? ‘Hold my purse.”
~ Franois Morency

“Men aren’t men until they can get to Sears by themselves.”
~ Tim Allen

Be sure to share your favorite quote about men in the comment section below.

All of these great quotes and many more can be found in Jillian’s book, Coffee Table Quotes. Click the image below to purchase this book on Amazon.

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5. 68 Hilarious Larry David Quotes

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